... will...

One day

I will walk up to you slowly

I will hug you and kiss you on the cheek

No words will be exchanged

We will share ONE BREATH

I will pivot and turn my shoulders

The silent steps that trail away will echo louder than any stomp or dance we shared

I will disappear into the mist

I will become another figment of your fairy-tale imagination :)

The end.

"If I wait any longer..."

True. My heart will grow stronger

Tougher skin they say is the positive price I'll pay

But hey, set for another day, another year.

Appreciate the warm sun & the skies so clear.

And how, how, how, how can I not smile and only shed tears?

Because I am young

Only 23 years.

But you know what, I'm ready for death

So cheers!

what then?

my heart hurts.

it is not broken. i have already mended all those wounds.

it hurts the way people die from asphyxiation or drowning.

it hurts because its only catharsis is you and for now, it has no reciprocated other.

where are you?

my heart can only hold its breath for so long.

sooner or later, it will beat too slow and too low for anyone to hear.

what then?

pre-present-post love

i wandered in with a look of endeavor but with no thought at all
and sure enough she was by the bar-side of the dancing hall
and dare not walk past as if i did not notice her blond curls
it's difficult to demonstrate indifference when in fact for a bit she through my life for a whirl

so i approached with the gift of an embrace and soft kiss on her face
told her i'm better now, well-equipped to be more than strangers
because truth be told, i have my closure and no feelings linger

why so easy now and a flood of tears before?
because i'm on the cusp of something with someone with so much more :)
true, i have stated similar sentences once, twice, thrice, even four
but i swear on everyone's life this is again something that must be explored

what will i find?
i'm not quite sure.
will it end in forever or a day or a year?
i don't fucking care.
all i do know is she is the TRUTH in the mirror.

the patience of a tree.

let me stand here erect
as i provide more shade
underneath,
the foundation of roots disperse like meteor showers
ready to flower more life

let leopards climb
humming birds hum
and beez buzz
there is enough room for everyone

cool, calm, and collected
a redwood i stand to be
because if man does not cut
we grow infinitely...

*sighs*

Oh heart and mind, the seeds of complication.

How we search for something defined.

A place where you ARE aligned.

Something of an intuition to guide us through our ever-changing situations.

But last, you do not.

A synchronicity felt in passing moments.

Leaving me in doubt.

Dare I have faith and open the possibility of naivete? Possibly.

I guess that's what hope is about.

We don't know.

And that's truth.

Each time I open up for something more and feel temporary reward,

I end up learning but with uncertainty all the more.

Not so sure. Not so worried.

Hello.

It's been awhile. I know I started writing because writing seemed to catalyze good things for me. Some sort of production, some sort of concreteness to the ideas that flow in and out all day, everyday. Inspired by a fellow "blogger," I've decided to revisit it.

Wow. It's been a whole year and some change since I've written something about myself. I'd hope that after a year I could brag about all the growth and new insight I've come upon. Unfortunately, I'm not so confidant. Much less a new, profound insight and much more just trying something different is all I can say. To an extent, it's emerged out of a sense of desperation. A need to be declarative about what and how I'm doing in life. What does that entail exactly? I'm not so sure, yet not so worried. I'm going day to day, with the "real world" goal of achieving my Bachelor's. Other than that goal, I'm trying to make sure I can get up in the morning, and do something worth while with my day. Something that hopefully brings me a smile or a laugh, and if not, something to be okay about. It's become that simple. I just want to be okay with who I am, where I am, and what I'm doing... day to day.

I had a conversation last night with someone I regard to be a thoughtful, mature, life-questioning individual. And given all the "intelect" that we bring to the table, at the end of it, we both felt like we just shouldn't take life so seriously. There's no great conclusion that is supposed to appease us for the remainder... no matter where you're at in life. We go and we continue and we adapt and make adjustments along the way, and hopefully, at the very least, we can laugh some. We can realize that life is but a stage. We play roles that we decide to for a given time, and then switch it up. It's the nature of things.

That made me feel alright. That made me feel not so sure and not so worried about who I decided to say I am, and what I decide to do for the time being.