Friday, February 6, 2009

Cycles

The last time I was in my funk, being numb, I started tripping on the idea that this is bound to happen throughout my lifetime. My life will go through the seasons, and this will be one of them. The feeling that this is something I might never fully get over made me feel so cynical. It was strange because it was the first time that thinking of life and its cyclical nature made me feel worried. Usually, when I think about life going through cycles, I embrace the hope that there will always be ups, but this time I realized it is a double-edged sword, and this numbness will probably be a constant affliction of mine. That made me brood over my funk even more.

Then, I realized if/when it happens, I just gotta ride it out. It's silly to feel a future that hasn't even happened. I regressed into getting lost in a possibility. I told myself awhile ago not to waste my life on "What ifs." That's just how life goes. This or that may arise, and I gotta be down. I'll deal with it when it comes. I can't expect to solve my future problems now. I'm sure I'll get better at dealing with it too. I'll live. I'll learn.

Anyway, I'm better now. I don't feel so lost. I just know I gotta feel it all out. There'll be a break in the dissonance. And best of all, I've got the support of so many beautiful people to help me through those times. :-)

1 comment:

  1. as i was reading this i was just thinking that periods where you're in a funk are just a reassurance that you are human. while it's obvious that some emotions and situations are favorable over others, unless you go through the full spectrum from time to time it will all start to feel kind of bland. remember that head-above-water idea? unless you lose your bearings and go under a little bit from time to time, you'll forget what saltwater tastes like and you won't be as appreciative to the fact that you spend the majority of your life floating along just fine. just know that there's sky above your head even if you can't quite see it and make sure you don't ever sink too far, you'll be fine. =)

    ReplyDelete